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Insectavora, Tina Fey, and 3,000 South American Voodoo Dolls


I've been reporting on the wonderful world of Coney Island's, "Insectavora." As you may have heard, she's donating $10,000.00 and the worldwide rights to a finished feature film, "Night Of The Day Of The Dawn Of The Son - Part 5," to charity. She's using a unique and bold process to get this done. She's making an offer to a list of major celebrities: review my movie and you can have $10,000 to donate to the charity of your choice along with the worldwide rights to sell to any company you want as long as you take the money from that sale and also donate that money to the charity of your choice. Recently, she was turned down by "30 Rock" actress Tina Fey. Insectavora wanted to address this rejection and wrote Ms. Fey a letter. At Insectavora's request I'm reprinting it here.
Dear Tina,

I'm writing this letter to say I'm aware that you have rejected my charity offer. I find that action very disturbing but I like to have an open mind and not judge people. I'm sure you had your reasons. I just hope you can live with them.

Anyway, how the heck are you? How's your TV show doing? I was surfing the net and read that your current net worth is $30,000,000 and that you're pulling in $500,000 per episode on "30 Rock". Is that true? I played with some numbers and figured out that if I did two episodes of "30 Rock" and got paid $500,000 a pop I wouldn't have to work again for 22 years. Why don't you just that or, I don't know, do 5 or 6 episodes and retire? That's what I would do. And I'm not kidding.

Anyway, why don't you stop by my apartment in Brooklyn and we can hang out and listen to some records. I've got an original vinyl copy of Led Zeppelin's "Physical Graffiti." Do you smoke pot? If so, we can get high and I can show you my collection of over 3,000 South American voodoo dolls.

Okay, I don't have time to write anymore. I gotta go down the corner and do laundry. Let me know when we can get together. And stay funny! Oh, and if you ever change your mind about my charity project we can do that too. But it would need to be done before October 21, 2011 because that's the new date for the apocalypse. So you'd really have to get your butt in gear and start immediately. Think about it. The world needs more kindness. Bye now.